


Playing at War

by mockingscout



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Angst, Blood and Gore, Eventual Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Multi, eren's inner monolouge is a piece of shit, hopefully, idfk what to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mockingscout/pseuds/mockingscout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wondered who would find him first. Would it be Levi? He was sure it's his watch next. But then it might be Erwin. He likes to walk at night sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death Sucks.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Haha inspiration hit so I did a thing… please don’t kill me. Everyone needs some Eruriren angst from time to time anyways… This should be a two or three shot drabble thing so… have fun waiting for me to update :D

 War is a terrible thing. What makes it worse is the fact that the higher ups who initiated these battles were generally never seen or heard from once the fighting begun. The fighting was done by a few brave souls and other sheep who wished and hoped for the glory of being stabbed through with a bayonet or ripped in half by a short blast from a machine gun. Life was never easy on the battlefields, but there were always the small few, who, no matter how bad everything seemed, would lust after the blood of an enemy. They would wipe their blades with a snarl on their torn uniforms, reload their machine guns with a twisted smirk. These few enjoyed the freedom that killing gave them. They enjoyed the god-like power and would reap the rewards for a murdering a few soldiers, who were in fact, the same as them: they just happened to be on the other side of the coin. These twisted few believed that they knew the truth in life: they believed they were the enlightened ones. They accepted long ago that no matter how many times the higher ups preached that they would be accepted into god’s garden with open arms, they knew, that they would end down below with the fallen angels. They decided that since it was too late to save themselves they might as well bring down a few… bad souls with them. They were wrong. There is nothing in the afterlife. It’s all dark and everyone is equal. The good souls, the bad ones, all are met with the same crushing darkness with nothing but their own thoughts and weakened heartbeats pulsating with a thousand stutters and jerks. The strings aren’t pulled by a higher power, their movements aren’t orchestrated by avenging angels whose sole purpose was to make sure we were punished for our sins that so many had died for. The paths are built, torn down and re constructed by the same people who believe that their lives are so utterly, utterly meaningless. Life is death. Yet we all want to keep going for some intrinsically inexplicable reason.

Humans are selfish creatures. Humans are selfish creatures.

The mantra repeats in his pounding head like the beat of one hundred drums and everything is dark and pain and why does it have to end this way? It hurts, oh god does it hurt, hurts so badly he just wants to tear out his own heart just so everything will stop. He counted himself among the twisted few, who welcomed death, but now he knows how badly everyone has underestimated this. Wait, he can’t die, he needs to tell everyone, it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it, go home and kiss your mother’s cheek, please go home, it isn’t what they tell you, this isn’t worth dying for. Just go and never pick up a gun or knife again.

Humans are selfish creatures. Humans are selfish creatures.

Mikasa’s gonna kill him.

She’s actually going to stick a blade in his skull after she finds out he went and got himself killed. It was literally the one thing she told him not to do. How humiliating.

And Armin too. He might hit him with that massive dictionary, the one that always sent shivers down his spine just looking at it.

Maybe humans aren’t selfish creatures.

He wondered who would find him first. Would it be Levi? He was sure it’s his watch next. But then it might be Erwin. He likes to walk at night sometimes.

Levi had offered to watch with him, but he had turned him away. Why did he do that?

Now, unless the people who had killed him were caught, everyone else is going to be dead too. Well shit, he’s really fucked up royally this time, hasn’t he? He can’t remember if those shots he fired had actually hit anything, or if the simply whizzed past their heads like mosquitos. If he had let Levi stay, like he wanted to, maybe he wouldn’t be bleeding out slowly in front of the Legions hideout. Levi would have stopped them. So would Erwin. Erwin should be walking by soon, surely. He always stopped by when he was on duty.

Humans are selfish creatures. Humans are selfish creatures.

Just shut up now, please. He knows. He wants to die with the thought of his four favourite people, not with this philosophical bullshit that he didn’t know he was capable of thinking. Trust him, to only discover his Freudian side whilst he’s dying.

Humans are selfish creatures.  Humans ar-

Wait. He felt something touch his arm there.

 

Yes! There it was again! Someone found him! Maybe if he got his inner monologue to _shut the fuck up_ he might be able to hear who-

“…en? Eren? Oh god, Eren! Please, open your eyes, come on- Levi! LEVI! Get the medic!! Someone!!”

It was Erwin. It’s definitely Erwin. Erwin sounded upset. He didn’t want Erwin to get upset, that was the last thing he wanted. This wasn’t worth the company, send Erwin back, Erwin can’t sound upset.

Humans are selfish creatures.

Yes, yes they are, okay? He just proved that.

Humans are very selfish creatures.

He felt the heavy pounding of footsteps before he heard them. Another voice joined Erwin’s.

“…happened?! EREN?!”

Levi was here now too. He could only catch snippets of their frantic conversation, moving too fast for him to fully comprehend. The edges of his mind were beginning to buzz with a pleasant numbness and his middle, where the bullets had ripped him open, didn’t really hurt anymore.

He wouldn’t mind if this was the end.

There was one thing though. He didn’t get to tell them that he loved them before he left. No, he wouldn’t let that happen. They had to know. If only he could find his eyes and move his jaw.

The numb buzzing was hazing his thoughts even further. It pulled him down and lazy tendrils of smoke wrapped themselves around his limbs. Eren was too tired to fight now. Eren just wanted to go to sleep.

Eren is a very selfish creature.

 

 

 

 


	2. French Sucks.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
That was his supply of French exhausted. That was all Levi had been able to teach him, before growling in exasperation, and storming out their tent whilst muttering something about ‘useless Americans butchering the French language.’ It was probably because Levi had told him what his name translated as and he had pronounced it ‘Ravioli’. He could hear Levi shouting about him, all the way from Erwin’s tent. It was little things like this that reassured him that Levi did care. Cared enough to shout, at least. He remembers lying back against one of the canvas covered poles in the tent and laughing a little to himself. 

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
Is this what death feels like? He’s been trapped in this pressing darkness for days. It’s like he’s floating but sinking, breathing but suffocating. Life is hard, but at least you’re vaguely aware of the happenings around you most of the time.  
  
It’s been silent for years. The pounding stopped a while ago, but he thinks he can feel the razor sharp edges of pain coming back in small waves now and then.  
It’s hard to think. He’s still tired.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
He remembers when he signed up for the army. His mother cried and his father frowned. Granted, he was underage at the time, only 15. That was four years ago, and now his mother is dead and his father MIA.  
  
He likes to think he doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t. He has Erwin and Levi, why should he?  
  
Still.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
Sometimes he hears voices. Nothing important, nothing meant for him and him only to hear, just snippets of conversation overhead. The eternal silence had ended and it was a welcome change.  
  
It’s mostly Hanji who talks over him. Nothing different from normal, if he’s honest. It’s reassuring to know that there is someone who is still functioning.  
  
(he’s not conceited enough to think that the world stopped because he died, it’s just hard to remember that from time to time.)  
  
There’s a static noise in his head that seems to float indefinitely over the part of brain which translates the voices into coherent thoughts. Until this moment, that is. He’s certain, more than certain, he heard and understood a small

“Good morning Eren.”

It reassures him in unthinkable ways.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
He’s been a part of the top secret TITAN unit of the US Army for approximately 1 year and 5 months. He had worked his way through the army quickly, due to his determination in training and other aspects of the military. It was just after he received the telegram about his mother (his father vanished only a few weeks after he had enlisted) that he decided to volunteer for the programme, that was looking for young boys who were ranked in the top ten in their training class. No other information was given to him.  
  
Mikasa always did say he was a little too reckless.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
Maybe he lied. He does know a little more French than this. Levi hadn’t specifically aimed to teach him it, but after he said it so many times in similar situations, he cottoned on (eventually)to what it meant.

“Erwin?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I need to go to my squad. We’re leaving next week, and I haven’t debriefed them yet.”  
  
“I’ll come and get you if he wakes, don’t worry”  
  
“Tch. That brat’s kept us waiting long enough now. He better fucking hurry.”

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
Erwin is all sweet smiles and quiet encouragement. But smart, sharp and unforgiving at the same time. He loved Erwin. He really did.  
  
Levi is all rough edges and sharp criticisms. But little smiles and flowers he presses into a journal supposed to be filled with tactics at the same time. He loved Levi. He really did.  
  
Eren is a ball of mindless rage sometimes. He doesn’t think things through and has zero mouth filter. Erwin and Levi say they love him too, but he doesn’t know why.  
  
Erwin always knew what to say and do to calm the wild nineteen year old. The day that it was discovered his friends Reiner and Bertholdt were actually enemy spies posing as soldiers, he was ready to charge into enemy territory and rip them all apart with his bayonet , Erwin was there to stop him and hold him and remind him that he would definitely get killed before he could lop the fourth soldiers left thumb off. Erwin was always there.  
  
Levi wasn’t as good at taming him. Usually because they felt the same way. He and Levi understood each other. As long as they both had Erwin, they would be fine.

 

“The good news is that everything seems to be returning to normal now: his hearts definitely beating stronger now, his blood sugars have finally settled-”  
  
“The bad news?”  
  
“It’ll still be a few days until he wakes up, and he won’t be happy when he does. We put him on a particularly strong dose of painkillers, which has kept him sedated and we’ll need to wean him off them slowly. Can’t quit something like this cold turkey, it could do more harm than good right now.”  
  
“How bad could he be?”  
  
“Hard to say, Erwin, it really depends upon the individual. I’ve had patients wake up and not speak for days it’s so bad, but I’ve had others who just wake up and then return to their duties that afternoon.”  
  
“Thank you for your time, Hanji, we really appreciate it.”  
  
“Only sorry I can’t do more for him.”

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois.  
  
He can barely think through the burning pain in his side. Come on, count your way through it like Levi always said, one two three, une deux trois, come on fucking- SHIT.

Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. Une. Deux. Trois. 

Je t’aime. Je t’aime. Je t’aime.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

FUCKING COME ON EREN. YOU CAN FUCKING DO THIS. BREATHE AND COUNT AND LOVE THEM. BREATHE AND COUNT AND LOVE. 

Breathe. Count. Love.

 

“Good morning Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come bug me on tumblr if u have questions, or if u want a friend who needs a friend to discuss the new chapter with omg send help
> 
> http://mockingscout.tumblr.com/


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